Tangent - Toilet Paper

“I am the Lorax, I speak for the Trees”

Several weeks ago, Ben and I went to see The Lorax. Dr. Seuss’ loveable orange Guardian of the Forest is so obviously right in his outrage at the cutting down of the Truffula Trees, and we his audience share his righteous indignation at the Onceler for his foolish Thneeds.

We arrived at the theater knowing what to expect, after all it’s not a story that changes much (you don’t mess with perfection), but it was to be a charming and wonderful evening all the same, a great story well told. In anticipation of this, and not wanting to miss a moment, I said, “I’ll be right back, I just need to pee.”
In the toilet stall, not paying much attention (come on, most of us adults have successfully navigated restrooms many times in our lives), I was thinking instead of those iconic words, “I am the Lorax, I speak for the Trees!” Sing-song and poignant, catchy and fun, this line played through my head as I reached for the toilet paper. And stopped.

I am the Lorax, I speak for the Trees.

What a terrible waste.

Trees, who are the life’s breath of our planet. Trees, whose noble growth bears stately rings, who weather the seasons and time out of mind. Trees, whose beauty steals our breath away in blossom and in fade, who nurture young animals and hide small creatures from the dangers of the night, whose leaves too conceal predators in their graceful, deadly hunts.

Trees, for whom we ought to have the utmost respect as a species conscious of our actions and prone to taking far more than we thneed.

And what do we do?

Pardon my French, we shit on them.

Have a sniffle? No worries, here’s a tissue, blow your nose, dear.

James Cameron through Jake’s voice in Avatar, speaking of our people: “They killed their Mother.”  Recall Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas, the wise old talking tree, and the sense of child-like wonder believing in the animated spirit of the trees inspired. Say what you will about hippies and tree huggers, but spark-of-life stuff entirely aside, it’s downright wasteful, and on a massive scale. After all, who even among the tree-huggers doesn’t need to pee?

Anyway, I’m not quite sure what to do about all this without entirely abandoning the hygiene practices which have stood me in good stead to this point in my life, so in the meantime, today when restocking my bathroom at the grocery store, I bought recycled toilet paper.

We’ll work from here.